woensdag 29 december 2010

Broken dreams

I always wanted to be a musician. I dreamd about it, wanted to go to music schools, wrote songs.. But lately I've been thinking about that dream. The schools I auditioned at never wanted me, and the songs I write are afwull. So a little reality check and I learned that this is the wrong dream for me. And Its hard letting go. But now I want to be a writer. I think that suits me better. But now I've got this problem. Always right before I fall asleep I make up this great storys. Breath taking I must say. But when I try to write them down it always sucks.
So how will I be a writer?

zaterdag 18 december 2010

Please dear someone who makes decisions about my life..
Let tonight please be like I want it to be.. or at least with one of the outcomes I have figured out. please please please
I feel like I deserve something good for once..

dinsdag 14 december 2010

Do you know that feeling of seeing something in a store and you don't really pay attention to it, and then you go home and it flicks back in to your mind and you all of a sudden want it even though you don't really remember how it looked like exactly? And it becomes some kind of obsession. You go back to the store and see it and it is either worse than you tought it would be, or better.
I have that exact thing now. I saw a dress and I was like, Oh is nice but not fantastic... But In my mind it began to grow and now it is something I have to have to wear this christmas.
Gonna buy it in half n hour though.

dinsdag 7 december 2010


I hate how some people allways laugh away my troubles. As if they are less important than their own stupid school stuff. So I won't talk about them anymore. I will pretend I am the happiest girl alive. I hate how people allways think I'm gonna be oke. That the things I am dealing with are a piece of cake comparing to their problems. I said them so many times so I must have gotten used to it.
Well oke. Won't talk about things anymore. Only way to get inside my head will be on tumblr.

New obsession

I allways have these weeks that I am obsessed to only one song, or one band.
My big obsessions will still be there [think Bertolf] but this comes first at that time.
Well since I've got my drivers licence I collect CDs to play in the car. Now I've got the Glee volume 1 CD and its awesome.
And then especially this song.

I absolutely adore Kurt.

[And I love how high it is and sometimes I can reach that perfectly!!]

woensdag 1 december 2010

We all live in a yellow submarine

My best Dagmar has this thing for yellow. So the other day when I was outside and it was very very cold, my friend Anna forced me to buy a hat or something. So I bought this yellow one. Because of Dagmar =D
And you know. I love it. And somehow It matches my hair perfectly I think ;-)

dinsdag 30 november 2010

Death and all his friends

Sometimes I have the feeling that I am going to die. That I think; I will die tonight.
The best example I have is the night I went to muse. I was with my best friend and I really thought I was going to die that night. Not because of Matt's greatness, but because of my asthma. [isn’t that anti-climactic ;-)] I had run fast to get good sight on muse, and it was spring/early summer and the concert was outside on the grass, which isn't good for my asthma either. So I could hardly breathe. Above that, I wanted to enjoy the concert, so I would jump every now and then. I was convinced that I would die. Just that very moment. On the grass during 'our time is running out.'

But after the concert I was still alive. Then I was convinced I would die that night, sleeping. Because I still couldn't breathe. But then again I woke up still alive. Still the very long train ride home was a bitch, but a man bought me tea, and as soon as I was at home I could take my medicines and I could breathe again. Never appreciated breathing so much. And; lesson learned. Take medicines with you every time you go somewhere. [still that summer this same thing happened again, when I left without my medicines. I am sometimes very stupid.]

Then there were more things when I would die, not worth mentioning. [yeah I forgot.]
But last weekend I was babysitting my cousins. And their parents were away till the next morning so I was alone all night. And I heard all these scary noises. So I was all bad ass and thought; 'since I am dying anyway, I might as well take the intruder with me.' So I grabbed a piece of metal which is used for opening the attic, and went downstairs. Of course there was no one, and the cat was making those noises.

And tonight I was thinking I wouldn't wake up anymore because I felt so awful..

I know most of the time I am just overreacting. [except for that time at muse. that was scary.] But lately I am scared about a war coming. Not because I read it somewhere but because I talk about it with my brother sometimes, and I have a feeling about this for a year or more now.
And I know that if war comes, death will follow. And I don't want to die because there is so many I want to do. I want to have babies, I want to live on my own in a great town, I want to be a musician, an artist, I want to write a book. Also If I die now I wouldn't die happy.
I don't want to die during a world war. Let me die during a Muse concert and I will be happy.

zaterdag 27 november 2010

Littlefoot is the cutest thing

Today I went to a big market with my parents, and my dad had wandered off so I was alone with my Mom. There was a big wall with TV’s, and we stood close to them. Then the theme song of 'Littlefoot' came on, and we were both like; 'Littlefoot!!' Turned around and started watching. Until we noticed we were in a store, and went further shopping.

I feel like saying; MLIA

vrijdag 26 november 2010

I'm gonna walk barefeet trough the snow right now.
Call me crazy Call me weird.

maandag 22 november 2010


You know things are getting better when Noah and Sam are back together.

ofcourse they are fictional, but still the cutest couple in the world.
It's like movielove.

zondag 21 november 2010

I loved Dobby's shoes.

I hate J.K. Rowling. I hate her for killing dobby. Why? Why did he have to die? I don't care about the rest she killed. [except for mabey Fred.] She can even kill Ron if she wants. [Oh no I did not say that!!] But why the sweetest most loving creature in the world? Why. Why. Why.

Dobby never meant to kill anyone. Only maim or seriously injure.

vrijdag 19 november 2010

Blowing trumpets at the wall

Forty times until they fall.

Trying to figure out Lyrics of my favorite songs.

woensdag 17 november 2010

dinsdag 16 november 2010

Tell me what you think about pyjamas that have bears on them.

maandag 15 november 2010

I can't stop staring at the world.

I keep on wondering,
What it is, this feeling that I feel.
And why things happen,
And are things real?
Will there come a time,
of better places, nicer faces.
I can't stop staring at the world.
I can't stop staring at the world.

Sometimes I like it straight

zondag 14 november 2010

zaterdag 13 november 2010

I love how the french talk

Just watched this movie. It was breathtaking.
If you are going to watch it, take tissues with you.

woensdag 10 november 2010

You cut me loose so I could feel

So many beautiful music in the world.
Don't know where to look. Don't know what to choose.

What is your favorite music? please tell me.


Miss Montreal

Everything is better when a cake becomes purple

well. I knoww It has a hole in the middle. but oh well.
Tomorrow is my birthday. So that means, no sleep tonight.
How old will I be, you wonder? 19. And still very very excited. how pathetic.

But this year I only wish for one thing.
Okay two.
Okay three.
But that is where it stops.
And I know I wont get any of those things I wish for.

Now I will make a cake.
something similar to this cake;

This one I made with a friend of mine for her birthday!!

I'll show it when its done =)

maandag 8 november 2010

A whole new era

Since a while I feel like a whole new era has begun. Nothing is the same. Really nothing. And for the people that don't know me that well; I'm not a big fan of new things to happen.
Well, I do like new things, but I don't like things to end.
But I know I just have to let go. And let it be. And things like that.

vrijdag 5 november 2010

Lots to think about

well, that was a night we wont forget very soon.

I will give details in a while, now I have to be busy doing awesome stuff!

How do boys work? ~ tips from someone who should know.
Boys from amsterdam are all the same an explanation.
and more.
stay tuned.

donderdag 4 november 2010

on this stormy night

I just want to tell you to let it be.
go inside your mind and think about the things you love the most in live.
It helps I promiss

woensdag 3 november 2010

I fixed you

With a little help from the photostorewoman!

And all the pictures are crappy. The only kindof cool looking, is that first one I posted.
I like it.
I am happy now =)

All the more reasons to see you this saturday.

dinsdag 2 november 2010

I smiled, and you noticed.

Since last June I am taking singing classes. I have them every Tuesday, and afterwards I am allways euphoric.
My teacher, who is just a little older than me and goes to a music school, is the best thing that could happen to me, I think. She believes in me, which I didn't, before. Because no one did.
She is now helping me writing songs. Before I was so hard on myself. Everything was bad, in my opinion, and I was stupid, not making sense. But now she taught me that you don't have to write a perfect song. especially not the first time. Just write 100 songs, throw 99 out, and have 1 beautiful song left.
So today, I finally wrote my song. And it’s not perfect, so I love it, and she loves it too. This is the first time I am really proud of myself. The first time I allow myself to be happy about something I made. And if someone doesn’t like it, I think I can handle that now. So next week we will record it and I'll put it on my blog.
And If you like it, that’s okay.
But if you don't. That’s okay too.
I like it. That’s what matters.

maandag 1 november 2010


last year I went to Paris with my mom and it was awesome.
We discovered the whole city in 2 days. Went absolutely everywhere. Eiffel tower, louvre, montmartre notre dame, you name it, we saw it. [yay for undergrownds, and nice french people.]

I just re-watched the pictures, and it made me so happy!!

As you can see, my mom is the coolest!!

I left my heart in Paris. Somewhere underneath the eiffel tower.

zondag 31 oktober 2010

Hedgehog hunting

but well, not hunting. more like tracking.
Today I went out with my mom, when it was dark, to go look for Hedgehogs.
This other day, I was going home late, and when I walked home I saw two hedgehogs on the street. This was probably the most beautiful and peaceful thing I ever experienced in my life. I don't know why I feel like that about that moment, probably because they are such mysterious creatures..

and this is like the cutest thing ever.

They will not force us.

Thats what matt says, but he wasn't right.
My mom and the hairdresser forced me to cut my awesomemegalong hair.
And then my mom forced me to dye it this dark redorangekindofcolour..

look how awfully short it is!!!

So.. tell me what you think =)

donderdag 28 oktober 2010

woensdag 27 oktober 2010

I will be with Mr. Panda

If I called you funny, would you be with me today?

I know this should not hurt as much as it does. It was more about the moment anyway. And luckily I am very good at remembering things. I remember your arm around my shoulder. Your skin at mine. I can still feel it when I close my eyes.
But it would have been nice to have something to hold. Something to proof it really happend. That I didn't make it up. Because I make a lot of stuff up about you.
I will try to safe you.
I will fix you.
I will fix you.

maandag 25 oktober 2010

I like everything

About you people. No bad thing.
And If there was a bad thing it would turn into something good because bad things can be good things.

except for my happy face. That is a bad thing.

vrijdag 22 oktober 2010

woensdag 20 oktober 2010

I wish..

I wish I could play the piano, like a pro. I wish I could find discipline. I wish I don't hurt you all the time. I wish I wouldn't cry about the smallest thing. I wish I could sing way better. I wish I was smaller. I wish I had a cat. I wish I had a house of my own. I wish I had a piano in that house. I wish I knew what bothered you. I wish I saw my friends more than once a year. I wish I had something to look forward to. I wish smoking won't kill me. I wish I had a different name. I wish you knew my name. I wish I knew yours. I wish I was famous. I wish I wouldn't feel like this all the time. I wish I could go anywere I want, without having to pay, or having to tell anyone. I wish I had a star to wish on. I wish I could just dissapeare. I wish to be happy.
I wish I wouldnt Wish so much.

I love her voice

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor

maandag 18 oktober 2010

And yes, It was awesome.

[a returning subject in our partys is a inflatable doll. Obviously. And frances holds my new ukelele!!]

and those actually are scarfs we tied together x]

zaterdag 16 oktober 2010

Dear mrs. Time...

Can you let this day last forever and ever?

got that thingy from my mother. I love it. even though the angel inside is very ugly ;-)