dinsdag 30 november 2010

Death and all his friends

Sometimes I have the feeling that I am going to die. That I think; I will die tonight.
The best example I have is the night I went to muse. I was with my best friend and I really thought I was going to die that night. Not because of Matt's greatness, but because of my asthma. [isn’t that anti-climactic ;-)] I had run fast to get good sight on muse, and it was spring/early summer and the concert was outside on the grass, which isn't good for my asthma either. So I could hardly breathe. Above that, I wanted to enjoy the concert, so I would jump every now and then. I was convinced that I would die. Just that very moment. On the grass during 'our time is running out.'

But after the concert I was still alive. Then I was convinced I would die that night, sleeping. Because I still couldn't breathe. But then again I woke up still alive. Still the very long train ride home was a bitch, but a man bought me tea, and as soon as I was at home I could take my medicines and I could breathe again. Never appreciated breathing so much. And; lesson learned. Take medicines with you every time you go somewhere. [still that summer this same thing happened again, when I left without my medicines. I am sometimes very stupid.]

Then there were more things when I would die, not worth mentioning. [yeah I forgot.]
But last weekend I was babysitting my cousins. And their parents were away till the next morning so I was alone all night. And I heard all these scary noises. So I was all bad ass and thought; 'since I am dying anyway, I might as well take the intruder with me.' So I grabbed a piece of metal which is used for opening the attic, and went downstairs. Of course there was no one, and the cat was making those noises.

And tonight I was thinking I wouldn't wake up anymore because I felt so awful..

I know most of the time I am just overreacting. [except for that time at muse. that was scary.] But lately I am scared about a war coming. Not because I read it somewhere but because I talk about it with my brother sometimes, and I have a feeling about this for a year or more now.
And I know that if war comes, death will follow. And I don't want to die because there is so many I want to do. I want to have babies, I want to live on my own in a great town, I want to be a musician, an artist, I want to write a book. Also If I die now I wouldn't die happy.
I don't want to die during a world war. Let me die during a Muse concert and I will be happy.

1 opmerking:

  1. Je moet niet dood! Maar als je dan toch doodgaat, is na een muse concert eigenlijk wel minder erg.